laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 12 Jun 2019, 17:06

My mate was so unfairly put in prison just for having a stutter. The judge simply had it in for him....

In fact, we don't know if he'll ever finish his sentence....
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 25 Jun 2019, 14:12

Michael Jackson died 10 years ago today, meaning his ghost is now older than most of his boyfriends
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 09 Jul 2019, 16:09

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 10 Jul 2019, 13:37

A pie in Jamaica costs £1 ... a pie in Antigua costs £1-40 , a pie in Barbados costs £1-80 ... and there you have the Pie rates of the Caribbean
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OBM
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by OBM » 10 Jul 2019, 15:50

bristleposh wrote:
10 Jul 2019, 13:37
A pie in Jamaica costs £1 ... a pie in Antigua costs £1-40 , a pie in Barbados costs £1-80 ... and there you have the Pie rates of the Caribbean
I know I shouldn't but :lol:

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 16 Jul 2019, 17:04

I went to the Doctors today. Bit embarrassing really, my wind has the most pungent and penetrating aroma. The Doc ran through various questions with me which gave little indication of the problem, until he asked me if I drank and if I’d recently changed my drinking habits. I confirmed that I’ve just started drinking vodka. He replied “that’s it - absinthe makes the fart grow stronger...”
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Poshay
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by Poshay » 16 Jul 2019, 18:08

bristleposh wrote:
16 Jul 2019, 17:04
I went to the Doctors today. Bit embarrassing really, my wind has the most pungent and penetrating aroma. The Doc ran through various questions with me which gave little indication of the problem, until he asked me if I drank and if I’d recently changed my drinking habits. I confirmed that I’ve just started drinking vodka. He replied “that’s it - absinthe makes the fart grow stronger...”
Bum , Bum!
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 16 Jul 2019, 19:51

Another guy went to the doctors, and the doctor was fumbling around for a while but didn't say anything.
So the chap says "anything up, doc?"
The doctor replies "I just can't put my finger on the problem. But I'd reckon it is a drinking problem"
"Don't worry, doc, then I'll come back when you're sober!"
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 16 Jul 2019, 19:54

A little boy arrives home to find his mum and dad having sex on the sofa.
Dad says, "Don't worry, son I'm just filling mummy with petrol."
Son replies, "She doesn't do many miles to the gallon does she dad? Uncle Ernie only filled her up this morning and he used a bigger nozzle!"
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 09 Aug 2019, 17:39

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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 13 Aug 2019, 08:58

I asked my wife why she married me.

She said “Because you’re really funny.”

I said: “I thought it was because I’m good in bed.”

She said: “See? You’re hilarious.”
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 13 Aug 2019, 12:43

bristleposh wrote:
13 Aug 2019, 08:58
I asked my wife why she married me.

She said “Because you’re really funny.”

I said: “I thought it was because I’m good in bed.”

She said: “See? You’re hilarious.”
:clap2:
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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 27 Aug 2019, 10:05

A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 27 Aug 2019, 12:02

tonyp wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 10:05
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A: a woolly jumper!
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poshaussie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by poshaussie » 27 Aug 2019, 21:04

daib0 wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 12:02
tonyp wrote:
27 Aug 2019, 10:05
A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A: a woolly jumper!
:lol: You must buy the same Christmas Crackers as Tony and I buy!
Up the Posh!

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